Eat your heat out.

I'm 20 now goddamnit. Goodbye teenage years.
Three days in and I'm scared shitless. It's a weird age to be for many reasons:

One) I still cannot drink....legally

Two) I cannot dye my hair insane colors for the hell of it anymore

Three) If i do dye it an insane color for the hell of it, it's not dubbed "a phase"

Four) Your mother suddenly confides in you about her sex life

Five) Men older than 30 feel validated that their staring at your boobs is not creepy anymore.

Six) Suddenly you don't mind the men over 30 looking at your boobs, go figure.

Seven) Angsty feelings of yore are for childen, not you. *All at once you feel real stupid that you cried over that Garden State soundtrack*

Eight) Guilty feelings erupt when you eat that whole pizza....cause now it really does go to your ass.

Nine) A sophistacated scarf is an accepted outfit choice.

Ten) You actually get a kick out of going to the grocery store..oh my god.


Today's Tuneage:Rhapsody in Blue
by George Gershwin (The sophistacated choice. haha)

Babs and Shutzpah

For many a year now I've wished that I was Jewish. Not for any paticular reason other than the fact that jews are bad ass man. That's probably why I have a strange liking for Barbra Streisand.

Look, I know that the last couple of sentences horribly weird but let me explain:

I love barbra streisand simply for the fact that she actually had a little balls. She wasn't very pretty most of the time ( her nose is like another fucking apendage), yeah she could sing but you really hated that voice by the end of the movie, and she was weird. She's was okay with the fact that she was a little weird though, that's what made her cool ya know?? And then she was jewish, something she wasn't ashamed of. She wasn't ashamed of anything she did really. In one movie, she was a woman dressed as a man so she could study to be a rabbi while being in love with her study partner AND his fiancee. Then, she marries his fiancee and manages to not have her wife find out she's not a man. phew. It's a pretty crazy little musical.

Maybe girls my age, not gay guys in their 40s, should take a cue from her. It seems these days we're expected to exploit ourselves, and our bodies constantly. But, then we're chastised for doing it by other women. We're weakest when we actually act feminine and strong. When we act like a woman. We can't be proud o f the fact that we had a child, or that we enjoy having sex for us. Babs was proud that she liked politics, or that she wanted a man that was her equal. She didn't wait around for some asshole to come along. She took care of shit. She liked her nose and her religion. She liked herself.

I want to have a little more of that actually. I get a alot of shit for being very feminine, for swearing like a sailor, for singing constantly, for my nose( which is also big haha), and for not really giving a shit. In all honesty though, I do give a shit too much sometimes. I want that shutzpah, maybe today I'll try it.

Today's Tuneage:

Rich by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Some wild things

I'm officially obsessed. Watch man, watch.

OH SUGAR

Okay, one more trashy post.

I have a sugar mama. She makes me food and buys me expensive dildos(es?). Speaking of which, Last saturday at my boyfriend's best friend's birthday party, said sugar mama somehow lured me into my bed. At some point through a drunken haze I saw my boyfriend watching us. And all I could do was give out a fleeting"AAACCKK!!". For what seemed like an eternity later (the time space continuum warps when you're on alcohol), unevenly dressed I had to go search for him. It was almost dawn and I'm driving around searching for any sort of lump on the sidewalk. Turns out, he's just passed out under a tree next to my building.

I wonder if Nosferatu would disappear if he saw two ladies making out upside down on each other. I bet he'd just stay there and watch..

Today's Tuneage:

From Our Hips by Cursive

(I am obsessed with this song. Seriously. Just find it.)

Is my ass showing?

So it's been a really long time since I posted.. My life upchucked drama and I got stuck in the muck. Ugh.
It's crazy how comfortable you can be taking your clotes off for a complete strager in his parents' home on his kid sister's childhood bed. That was my friday. Getting paid cause you look good naked is not as rewarding as you may think. Let me tell you. Sure you just pose and hope he doesn't notice you didn't exactly shave your legs that morning but it's a pretty strange job to have. There's no resume, no nothing, just you and this computer engineer who needs an outlet.
Poor guy. I guess I'm not the first college girl to do it for extra money though. But I doubt many who did got very far...

Today's Tuneage:
Nature of the Experiment by Tokyo Police Club (poppy awesomeness)

Is that a real hug or are you just kidding?

Ah Albuquerque: so weird, so hot.
Almost a year here and just in this last two weeks I finally feel like I live here.
Not just live here but live here.
It's been a while since I lived anywhere really.
I guess when you're on the brink of escape, that sweet ecstasy of already leaving in your head and heart takes you away from the place you still seem to be at.
Your feet are still standing on the same sidewalk you've seemed to be standing on since you were tiny.
Holy Shit I hated my hometown. The four restaurants I always frequented, the same kids I grew up with, the same mindless gossip we all knew about.
It's crazy that now that I'm here, in Albuquerque, I miss that old place.

I miss that walk to my grandma's house, I miss not having to explain why I view things a little differently. Because when you were there, we all had these stange tendencies. We all knew the homeless guy named Skip (we all have a story with him in it), we all know that the little bubble we've created in that town wasn't really how the rest of the world worked. Our tendencies came from our commonalities, from those commonalities.
Oh well, I still hate going there. I'll complain the whole time. I'll still go the same restaraunts, I'll even order the same thing. I'll probably see Skip at his usual post by the Spic and Span. I'll see the same friends I've had since I could remember.
But I'll be different, because I don't live there anymore. I live here, in weird, hot Albuquerque.

Today's Tuneage:

Poor Little City Boy by Nedelle

Please,Baby,Please

So I went to the shrink this morning expecting to bitch about my ridiculous obsession with this Jane Austen book but somehow it went in this weird fucked up direction.

I mean, does everything always have to resort back to our parents? Seriously.
Does this happen to everyone? Did Freud ruin it for all mankind??
Can we not have original thoughts about our own messed up existences without it being tainted by an old german guy?
I mean he had issues too.
He had sex with 15 year olds and shit. Bleh.
Well I think he did anyway.



Maybe he doesn't have that much of a pull with me but still, you have to wonder.Have we all just stopped creating original thoughts and opinions. Have we all numbed everything down to the opinions of like a dozen guys who,its safe to say, may have been wrong? I mean maybe Marx had a point or Picasso did blow away realist perspectives. Shit. Maybe picasso just couldn't draw very well. Maybe Marx just couldn't really succeed in a regular society.
Maybe I'm just bitter.

Today's Tuneage:
1969 and I wanna be Your Dog by The Stooges (I wonder who else is a stooge...)

Cloudy Cloudy Days

Eatin some cold pizza, headed to the library.

Yes the library!!!! I miss reading books. Those commercials with alec baldwin eating people's fomer brains because of so much tv seems a little too close to home sometimes. Stupid Alec Baldwin.

I had a dream about him once. We sat on a bench in my hometown and he talked to me about growing up.

I think I was 14 when I had that dream..

I bet you 20 fuckin dollars that when alec baldwin has to appear in your dreams and tell you what the fuck's up, you are one strange girl my friend.

Today's Tuneage:

Cherry Tempo's new album: The Hunter and The Fog (Amazing Albuquerque Band)

My first post! woot.

So this is my first post. You've officially read my first post. Stay tuned!